I was asked if I knew anything about Star Wars by a co-worker and I said, "Hell yeah, Spock and those assholes."

Just felt incredibly white not knowing if I had to type "Gangsta's Paradise" or "Gangster's Paradise" into Youtube just now.

I'm won't let the fact that I hate getting wet stop me from swimming with great white sharks ever again.

I'm never surprised when somebody asks me, "Why would you do such a thing?"

Bruce Willis was dead the whole time? Well, the 5th Element just seems really f*ckin' stupid now.

The next time someone startles you at your desk, make a snorting sound, rustle some papers around and ask, "How long have I been out?"

#TLC should produce a reality show called, "Don't Go Chasing Waterfalls" where people...I don't know...chase f#ckin' waterfalls or whatever.

"What are you doing over there?" is the question I'm always terribly embarrassed to answer.